My Favorite Status Updates of 2010

With some help from a nifty Facebook application, I’ve curiously perused each and every status update of mine during 2010.  My favorites take the form of pertinent quotes from literature, or songs (more often the latter), movie references, comments on tech-culture, as well as observations, revelations and half-witted proclamations of my own.  Some of these were ignored by the masses, others were commented on, argued over, and resulted in severed friendships.  Really.

For your entertainment, and mine, here are my own picks.

January

“Dear [snow]boarder girls:  I think it is hilarious that most of you have no idea how to get off a lift and fall giggling to the ground half the time before spending 10 min clicking in while I zip right by and spray snow all over the place.”

” …but have YOU heard EYWA?”

“I’m not entirely positive that I ever took the time out of my day to tell you the story of the ghost.”

“Guess I’ll watch the State of the Union on my brand new iPad.  Oh darn, it’s in Flash.”

February

“American Idol > Lost.”

“Can someone doppleganger me please?  Hey, thanks.”

“I got the peg leg at the end of my stump…..SHAKE YOUR RUMPaaaaaaaa”

March

“…might as well call it Tailgate-achusettes.”

“One of the worst things a person can go through is to realize, after speaking from the heart for some time, that they haven’t been listened to, and must repeat themselves with that terrible feeling of ‘Can they hear me now?'”

“jeese louise”

“you just gatta DO it”

April

“Meg and I are natural born world shakers”

“I found seven 7/16 wrenches while cleaning my car today.”

“Ray Dawn Balloon.”

“The Kraken was wasted and got a DUI.”

“What would Gray Powell do?”

“Facebook Status:  The contemporary equivalent to bumper-sticker activism.”

“OH SNAP!! “Perhaps Adobe should focus more on creating great HTML5 tools for the future, and less on criticizing Apple for leaving the past behind.
-Steve Jobs”

May

“Raisins ruin everything.”

“Shoulders do not belong under pillows.”

My iTunes playlists are organized by time of day or weather ie; morning, evening, snowy, rainy, sunny, after a long day…etc.  Every time I decide a new song fits well in a particular list, I remove one from that list and add the new one.  There.  Now you know my secret.  Use it well.”

“Josh Ritter thinks its cute to sell his new CD at Starbucks.”

“Hike+weather today = cold shower followed by cold beer and guitar on the back porch”

June

“to da moon, kid”

“Apple sells an iPad every 3 seconds.”

“I could get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon…with nail polish.”

“I’ve blocked people for less.”

“Oh novice rowers – it’s so cute to hear you talk about playing music in the boat over the speakers as if it’s some revolutionary idea no one’s thought of before…”

“Saying BP has a public relations problem is like saying Hitler had a problem with the production quality of his propaganda films.”

“And here…we…GO”

“There’s nothing quite like a novice coming up to you after their first race saying ‘That was so much fun!!’  Especially when followed by ‘My arms are so sore!'”

“Shallow brooks are noisy.”

“…the mass of the people yield obedience to a select few; end when you see this select few, you perceive that though not of the lowest class, nor of an unrespectable class, that are yet of a heavy, sensible class – the last people in the world whom, if they were drawn up in a row, an immense nation would ever give exclusive preference.”

July

“You got beers, dude?”

“The life of an American student: If you sit in the library long enough, research starts to read itself, papers start writing themselves, and sooner or later you get up to do something, only to come back and see a scene of scattered documents, open books, closed books, pens, pencils, headphones, snacks and an empty Nalgene surrounding your laptop and you think to yourself…did I make this mess?”

“I live uptown…why, I don’t exactly know because I’m always downtown.”

“Saw a girl working out in the gym with w bikini top.  Does practicality outweigh trashiness?”

“I watch what kind of sodas people get at fountains and then judge them accordingly.”

“Homeward these shoes worn to paper; thin as the reason I left here so young.”

August

“Leave it on the water, baby.”

“Out there…they play to win.”

“There’s another new world at the top of the world for whoever can brave through the ice.”

“Novice sculler to coach:  Wait…so my LEGS should do the work?”

“A girl called me “ma’am” at the diner today…”

September

“Dear police officer screaming at me to get off the phone, your light is green.  You should pay attention.”

“There’s people always leaving just as other folks arrive.”

“A good indication of how serious I am at any given moment is how high up I’ve decided to lace my work boots.”

“In and out of focus, time turns elastic.”

“Find something positive, and be happy about it.  It’s really just that simple.”

October

“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your arm.”

“Just generally grinding these days.  Just a casual grind.”

“The inches we need are everywhere around us.”

November

“Always fun to come home to 2 inches of water in the basement…”

“The TV newscast is an obsolete, closed, specialized, filtered, biased, ad-driven, outlandish, sensationalist and overtly dramatic form of news delivery that I believe will see a decline in popularity as more people turn to news that’s centered around facts instead of drama.”

“AIM was better than Facebook.”

“I mean, The Devil Wears Prada is a good movie…”

“Question everything but most of all question the intelligence of people that question everything.”

December

“Going to bed always feels like quitting.”

“Go, and beat your cray head against the sky.”

“Barnes & Noble has failed me every single time I’ve tried to be a patron of theirs.”

“If Facebook Check-Ins outnumber status, photo, and link posts on your wall you need to ditch Facebook and use Foursquare, Gowalla, or one of those.  Seriously.”

“Some of these days just cut right through you.”

“I…..dropped the screw……in the tuna!!!!”

“I’d like to remind you to diversify your bonds.”

And that’s it!!

Here’s to 2011 and more pertinent song quotes, brilliant revelations of meaningless minutia, and subjective hilarity!

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iPhaults: How to Make a Better iPhone



I’ve often come across a perception that because I own an iPhone I must think it’s the most perfect gadget in the world.  While sleeping with my iPhone under my pillow isn’t far off, I sure would like to get some of my gripes with this seemingly untouchable (no pun intended) device off my chest.  If we can put aside the pretty horrendous service we receive from AT&T, which I’ve written about before, there are still some issues with this device.  So here, in no particular order, are a few (some quite simple) things that should be incorporated into the iPhone right out of the box.

Read more of this post

Google, you’re doin’ it wrong.

Today Google announced it’s anticipated and awaited laptop computer.  Equipped with Verizon 3G internet access, it’s being called a netbook.  This machine will not run Windows, or Apple’s OS, it will run Google’s very own software:  Chrome OS.  Or is it Chromium OS?  I have no idea – I haven’t sorted through the crap to figure that out.

From the little that I, the average consumer, can gather at this point there are a number of things wrong with Google’s entire approach on this.

First of all, the event was hardly publicized.  Only tech journalists were allowed in, there are a few pictures of the presentation floating around the internet, and there’s no real official place to go for a full recap on this.  Where do I go to learn about Google’s news?  Google.com?  The Official Google Blog?  (Yes, Google’s Official Blog is a ‘.blogspot’ blog.  I think they own Blogspot and all but c’mon…why not just GoogleBlog.com?) Or maybe I should check one of Google’s 5 or 6 YouTube Channels?  There was not even a GMail note sent out to GMail users.

And while I’m complaining about the lack of press on this front, what about the Google Nexus 1, Android OS, and other Google related news?  Would it kill Google to have a centralized place from which to address the world with all this fake branding nonsense?

It’s a very clear principal, Google; consumers need to understand you.  They need to understand your products, and they need to understand your company.  What kind of company is Google?  Advertising?  Mobile Software?  Search?  Cell Phones?  And now they make computers too.

Google has no identity.

When you have a behemoth such as Google putting their business, employment and money in all these areas the perception is that none of them are really being taken seriously.  We get a sense that Google is just kind of messing around with its massive amounts of spare cash to try things out, make cool stuff, and see what happens.  I mean…Google Labs?  Cmon.  How many freaking web apps can you guys make?

Y’know Google, just because you make some cute little icon to represent a new web app, browser extension or idea you’re trying out doesn’t make you pioneers in simplicity.  We just end up with a thousand cute little icons.  And the bottom line is, the average person has no idea what most of these things are.

In regards to the Chrome Notebook, check out this video.

First of all I must say that from a design perspective, this notebook looks pretty plain and boring.  It’s certainly not a stretch to call it ugly.  And I’m not the only one who thinks so.

Essentially what Google has done is remove the desktop, and self contained storage management from the laptop.  Wow.  I’m stunned.

There are a million things I find so amazingly stupid about the above video, but I’ll only mention one.

Near the end, our friend Ryan tells us that when we’re done using the notebook we can just close the lid.  Then open it again to resume our work right where we left off.  Has Ryan been living in a cave?  Will he next teach us how to type, or use a trackpad?

Frankly, Google, you can take your Chrome Notebook back to the lab and do some work on it.  It’s a joke.  You removed anything that could be done outside the browser and called it something new.  At the end of the day anyone who has a browser installed on their laptop, already owns a Chrome Notebook.

Cloud Backup, you say?  If Google wants to back up all the data on all my hard drives and make it all work anywhere I go, that’s great.  But they don’t.  And if they do, they haven’t told me that yet.  And we’re back to square one here.

Honestly this product launch has only convinced me to not recommend Android OS to anyone until you get your act together.  Google, you’re doing it wrong.

UPDATE:  Google has posted video from yesterday’s event on YouTube.  It’s in 4 parts.  Guess we’ll see how this goes…

Students Are Better Teachers

Teaching…or…learning…or…both?

It has become increasingly apparent to me that the best way to learn something is to teach it. Explaining a concept crucial to an upcoming exam to a friend or colleague is an age-old study technique, and evidence to the effect. To truly test your ability as a good student, flex your teaching muscles.

Nothing will etch a concept into your brain like your ability to etch it in another.

It is likely that the worst teachers you’ve had were never interested in continued learning. Likewise, the best teachers are always the ones engaged in some course of study, or discovery. It’s odd that the concepts of student and teacher are somehow often at odds with each other, and learning the similarities and complementariness of these roles within my multiple teaching occupations is increasingly likable.

As put by Henry Adams, they know enough who know how to learn.